Recently, I began the job search here in Kentucky. I had an interview last week for a job within the college where Matt works and was so bothered at how much anxiety it gave me. I literally didn't sleep the night before and my mind was racing. I felt like somewhere spiritually I must be deficient because this is not a feeling Jesus gives. Then I started thinking....I do this with everything! My mind tries to over analyze everything to control the outcome which only kicks Him out of everything. I replayed verses in my mind.....
Philippians 4:6- Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Proverbs 3:5- Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways submit to him,and he will make your paths straight.
Why have I allowed worry and anxiety to be a stronger voice than the voice of Jesus?
I can admit that motherhood had a field day with my anxiety. I would lie awake in bed worried about miscarriage, SIDS, spitting up, her development...heck I even had anxiety when people walked down the stairs with her. I guess I didn't notice that my anxiety was too much until marriage. Suddenly, I lived with someone who trusted God with so much . Before then, I just figured it was part of who I was.
It did have its good points...everything I did was the best I could do- for fear that something bad would happen. And it helped me when I was working or at school to excel....but what drove me was fear and anxiety. And it is miserable.
As I nestled into quiet time with Him this morning, I let myself rest in those old familiar arms of Jesus. He speaks such sweet words.
-I have made you perfectly the way you are.
-I have plans, wonderful plans, all you must do is be with Me.
- I have always taken care of you, and Callie, and of Matt.
-As habit brings anxious thoughts..give them to Me and take my peace.
-You are my girl and you could never lose Me.
"Let Love keep my will upon it's knees."
I shall gladly kneel to leave my pride. I will ever praise You.